It isn’t about the nail

Happy Tuesday, everyone:
Someone at work showed me this video and I have to say I laughed out loud. I still think it’s funny; probably because I can see so much of myself in this girl and I think the guy’s expressions and frustration are priceless!
Click here to watch video
The video has several different messages that you can take from this and it has pushed buttons for many people. Some have seen the humor in it and yet others were highly offended.
Unfortunately, with the roles being male and female it turned this into a sexist stereotype. Many people took this as the woman looks stupid and stubborn and the man is trying to be a “man” and fix her problem.
In this video I see many messages:
  • The woman needs to have her feelings heard before she deals with the issue
  • The woman is in complete denial about her issue (refuses to hear about the nail even after he “hears” her)
  • The woman won’t listen to reason and logic
  • The man is dying to fix this problem and move on.
  • The man tells her ” I don’t think that’s what you need” even after she told him her needs.
  • The man eventually hears what she needs and complies
  • The man looks pained trying to empathize with her. LOL
  • The woman looks like the weight of the world is off her shoulders once he acknowledges her pain.
  • Even though the man gave her what she said she needed she still wouldn’t talk about the nail
I wonder, though, if it were 2 females playing each role or if the roles were reversed would it change the message?
The message that resonated with me though is that people (anybody) just want to be heard, appreciated and understood. I don’t personally think it matters that the actors were male & female ( although it made it funnier as a married person)
I have a coaching client that told me anytime she tells friends her problem they try to:
1. Fix it
2. Tell her their own experience
3. Offer her advice
What my client really wants is for someone to just sit and listen to her without saying anything unless she asks them to.
After she said that to me I started paying attention to when I tell people a story with an “issue”. She was 100% right. Even though I wasn’t asking for advice and usually even had my own solution people would try and sway me to their opinion. Better yet, they would tell me their experience and now the conversation has shifted from my problem to yours.  You have just high jacked my story…
This happened to me recently where I had a “situation” that I knew what I was going to do about it and someone I know kept telling me I was wrong! 
Really? Who asked? I wasn’t asking for advice I was sharing what happened and how I was going to handle it. All I wanted was an ear to listen.
Honestly, I could relate to this girl whether it’s Dan or someone else. Don’t try to help me, hear me.  The fact of the matter is, with me, unless you hear me you probably can’t help me. I can come up with my own solution. What I really need is for someone to help me untangle all my feelings around the problem.
Empathy is a huge missing gap in our society and it can go such a long way. Just by putting yourself in another person’s shoes just for a minute and try and understand their feelings can help make someone feel better. 
I have made an effort to try and just listen and reflect back what I think people are feeling. I also try and ask ” what do you need from me?” instead of trying to figure out what they need.
I worked in a call center a few years back. More often than not when a customer was upset and screaming if the phone rep empathized with the caller and said something like ” I understand your frustration” the caller usually calmed down.  Again, even if you can’t fix the problem people want you to hear their pain.
This was just my take on the video: many other people had very different views. I found it funny and the man, by his expressions alone, made me realize how silly this may seem to others when there seems to be a simple solution. 
But, we are who we are….
Question of the day: What message did you take from the video? Funny? Insulting?
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4 Responses to It isn’t about the nail

  1. Pam says:

    LOL! That’s awesome. What I took from this – even when the thing you THINK is wrong with the other person is so prominent it pokes you in the eye… don’t assume it’s really what’s wrong…. LISTEN. Oh and – OUCH!

  2. karenmregan says:

    That’s a great point too,Pam. I loved the guy in the video. His face was so freakin’ funny.

  3. Kent says:

    This looks like a situation where the woman was so stubborn she could not see the forest cuz the trees were in the way.. Not sure if this is meant to be an anti woman’s feelings video or what.. Similar to when two women are talking, one is in a crappy relationship and always complains about how terrible her love life is and when the friend says dump him the one snaps ‘It’s not about the boyfriend..!!’.. Either way it really was a funny video and the guys face was priceless…

    • karenmregan says:

      I think this could be viewed in many different ways. Not sure there was only one message here.I think each person takes it as they see it. i loved both actors. They did a great job representing each side.

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