Allowing myself

 

Hey Everyone: Hope you all enjoyed this beautiful weekend.

 

I worked out with Steve on Saturday and I am really sore today. Maybe more sore than I have ever been after a workout.

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He and I were talking last week and he told me he feels that I need to “allow” myself to work hard when I am there. He observes that I somehow hold myself back and I am not relaxed.

 

I thought about this over the week and as much as I wanted to disagree with him I really couldn’t. I was tense while I was there but it didn’t make sense to me.

 

I look forward to going all week and am disappointed if we have to cancel. On the day of the workout I look forward to it all day, but it’s like once I walk in the door something happens to me. It’s not Steve or the atmosphere, it’s totally me.

 

As I thought about him saying “allowing”  I really gave it a lot of thought about what I need to allow myself to do. Part of it was to work hard, but we both agreed that was much better than when I started so I thought it was something else.

 

I thought about how I do look forward to going and then I get all weird and tense once I am there. What dawned on me is that what I am not allowing myself to do is to enjoy the workout and the time I am there.

 

I have told myself this story that I don’t like working out and as soon as a workout starts I get uptight and can’t wait for it to be over. This happens to me at my classes at the gym too.

 

But the fact of the matter is it isn’t even true. I like working out at Steve’s. It can be challenging and frustrating but I do enjoy my time there. I have found that instead of watching the clock to see when the hell this is over I am now watching it thinking, “Bummer, only 15 more minutes and then I leave for another week”.

 

I have myself so trained to believe I hate it that I believe the story I told myself.

 

So I started thinking what if I allow myself to enjoy and embrace the workout?  Instead of telling myself I hate working out try and tell myself I love working out. How would the workouts change for me?

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So, I did that this weekend. Although Steve felt I was still waiting for one exercise to get over so I could move on to the next and finish up I felt there was an improvement.

 

This is going to be a work in progress until I can re write the story and fully believe it. Next week I will go in with the attitude that I am happy to be there (and I am) but happy to be doing each thing he gives me to do.

 

It won’t happen, though, until I allow it to happen.

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I wrote Steve today and told him I thought the workout was fun this weekend and I really meant that. I sweated more than I ever have, worked harder and had fun doing it.

 

Question of the day: What do you need to “allow yourself to do?

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