Daughters of emotionally absent mothers

adam

Hi guys:

wed

It’s Wednesday already! You know what that means? One day closer to my Queen and Adam Lambert concert!

 

Woo Hoo!

 

So, I spent the day revamping my web-site. I have been doing some thinking lately and I really need to change things up from when I first started it over a year ago. I am looking for more product/service reviews so I am changing my photo page to everything I have reviewed and a link back to the Blog.

Although I am sure people loved seeing pictures of my family it makes more sense to put up my reviews.

There will be other changes as well but I am starting there. Lots to come.

 

 

I have also been toying with other ideas lately. I wanted to get involved with one really specific topic that I am passionate about but I couldn’t nail down what. I kept thinking Daughters without Mothers but it just didn’t seem the exact right fit. My friend, Pam, gave me the perfect subject: Daughters of emotionally absent mothers. That is who I want to work with exactly. I can relate to this subject and I want to help others who are struggling with this.

book

 

What does that mean? It can mean several different things:

 

Is not fully present and especially not to the emotional life of the child.

She may be depressed

stretched too thin and exhausted

Perhaps a bit numb

alcohol/addictive issues

Mental Health issues

 

My own Mom felt like she wasn’t mothered so I guess it was no surprise that she didn’t know how to Mother us. My Mom was also an alcoholic and she just wasn’t very present for us. Hell, she was barely present for herself how could she be present for us? As an adult I logically understand that but my inner child doesn’t. The two often struggle about this.

 

Do you know I think she told me she loved me maybe, maybe 5 times in my life and there was always an underlying reason for it. I remember one time her friend’s son died and she said ” Janice told me I should tell you I love you while I still can.”  That was the only way she could do it. She tried in her own ways but it was lacking. Never mind hugging, no there was no touching in our house.

love you

I was reading an excerpt from a book recently and a woman who felt “unmothered” said she didn’t want to have children because she didn’t feel qualified because she didn’t know how.

qualified

Wow, I could have written that. I was so afraid to be as cold as my Mom and I know the lasting effects of that that I chose not to have kids. I didn’t feel like I was taught how to be a loving Mom. Every kid deserves that and I feel if you can’t be then don’t have kids.

 

Because it does have lasting effects…

 

I too, have a hard time telling people how I feel about them, especially the “L” word.

I don’t like to be touched by people very often. I have gotten better about hugging friends and even family, but it was work. I had to really work on that.

I feel different from other people

My Mom’s death didn’t initiate me missing her, her living did. I miss her less now because I don’t have to try anymore.

This is so not where I thought this post was going tonight, but maybe it needed to be written for me to move ahead with it. It gets exhausting trying to be someone you aren’t.

emotional distant parent

So, lots of changes coming up for me. I am not sure in what venue I want to get involved in Daughters with emotionally absent mothers yet but this topic finally feels right for me.

 

If you feel you had an emotionally absent mother or know someone who did and have ideas for me, please reach out and let me know.

 

You can contact me at : info@fabinyour40s.com

 

I will keep you all posted on any updates on this.

 

Thanks for reading.

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