How’s your week going so far?
Mine feels like it’s been challenging. You know how some weeks you just feel like you struggle through? That was mine this week. And to top it all off, I had a temper tantrum that I am not proud of. So, part of my learning from this is that I will share it with you all.
I was scheduled to go to Steve’s to workout but we had to modify our schedule due to some conflicts. I arrived at 6:45 instead of 5:45 and I was already stressing a little about getting home so late because I knew Dan would wait for me to have dinner. We NEVER eat alone if we are both home. So, I think I was more wound up than I thought about that. If it were just me I could care less what time I got home.
I have also been worried about a few things and that was on my mind last night. I had brought Molls to the vet, and she’s ok, but we have some decisions to make about next steps.
Anyway, when I got there I noticed there were a bunch of people there who would be leaving but more folks were coming. Steve and I usually have the place to ourselves and I am less self-conscious when no one is there. I mean I am fine, I just prefer to be alone when I work out, even at home. For some reason noise or people can just totally distract me. Not that it takes much, but there were 2 people doing ball slams and every time that damn ball hit the ground I could feel my blood pressure rising. It had nothing to do with them, it’s my weird thing to have peace and quiet so I can focus. I found myself watching Kerry and the other two people instead of focusing on what I was doing.
Saturdays class can sometimes do that to me too with so much commotion and noise, but I expect it and kind of brace myself for it now. Weird, I know.
I pretty much let Steve know right off the bat I was not in the mood by saying, “ I am not in the mood for this tonight. I am getting totally distracted” with a total look on my face.
I then proceeded to take the weight bag that he had me using and I chucked it on the ground when I was done and stomped off to get my water. I saw the look of (amusement, surprise?) on his face and I knew I was being a brat but I just couldn’t help myself. At this point I was really, really irritated.
I have to hand it to Steve, he took it all in stride and tried to lift my mood. With me though, the harder you try to make me smile the more I am going to resist.
I can truly be a 5 year old at times. Good thing he has small kids and knows how to handle hissy fits with grace.
The good news is I didn’t say much during our 30 minutes. When I get myself that worked up I get really quiet. I think I am either afraid I am going to say something I am going to regret or burst into tears which would horrify me completely. So, although Steve tried to engage in conversation my one word answers or snotty “What?” didn’t make for very interesting talk like we usually have.
The piece de resistance, however, was when we were done and he went to get me a Lysol wipe to wipe the mat. I marched after him and snatched it from his hand and snapped “ I was gonna get it. I heard you ask me last week why you always have to get it” and I said it totally sarcastically and I made a face at him behind his back!
Not me, but the face was close.
I truly think if the workout wasn’t done I would have told him I was leaving. I knew I was being a bitch and I took it out on him. Since I couldn’t seem to help myself I figured removing myself from the situation would be best for both of us.
After I got home and calmed down I started to feel really badly about my behavior. I don’t like to treat people this way. He did nothing to warrant my childish behavior and he took it with a smile on his face.
So, I sent him an e-mail that night apologizing.
His reply? ” That’s no problem. Sorry you’re dealing with some tough stuff 😦 “
Ok, now I really feel like dog doo. Seriously, now I want to cry because I feel like I made a mess of the whole night for selfish reasons that really didn’t amount to anything important.
Matter of fact, he might not have even thought twice about any of this.
Why am I telling you this embarrassing story when I would much rather forget it and not think about it again?
There is a lesson in everything, I believe. I am probably gonna be in a crappy mood again at some point during our training. The thing is, saying you’re sorry isn’t enough. That’s only part of the apology. You can’t just give lip service, you have to try and not do it again. I think that’s where many people go wrong. I can’t come in in a bad mood again and dump on him and just blow it off with “sorry”.
Rather than trying to forget this incident I need to really look at it and figure out how I would handle it differently next time.
I know I was feeling resentful that it wasn’t a fun workout as usual. Guess whose fault that was? I made it worse by my lousy attitude. I guess next time I can remember that and make an attitude adjustment. I can also tell him how I am feeling so I don’t have this pent up frustration and he has no idea why and I am being a chick and am mad that he can’t read my mind. LOL.
I tell my coaching clients that we ALL do things that are not cool. It’s ok, really, but you need to own it and try and fix it.
I am sorry, Steve. I’ll try and do better next time.