Hey Happy Friday everyone:
Supposed to be a warm and lovely weekend here. Dan is off visiting friends in Vermont for the weekend so it’s just me and Molls.
I wanted to share the kind letter I got from the woman I sent one to last week. We don’t know each other at all and all I told her was that I don’t feel like I am doing anything right lately although I am trying my best, but I seem to be making people angry and hurting their feelings. Think my hormones are wacky.
Here is what she wrote to me :
Thanks for writing! Starting this project was a generous and kind thing to do. So there’s one instance where your best is good enough!
I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling out of sorts and grouchy. Hormones can really throw your whole game off!
Sometimes you have those weeks/months where you seem to walk around with your foot in your mouth. Luckily it all averages out with those weeks where you’re kicking butt and know just what to say to everyone, and that’s ok. It’s normal. It’s being human.
I would also say-so you feel like you can’t say anything “right”- so who says you have to? It’s unkind and unfair to expect anyone , yourself included, to make everyone happy all the time and never hurt anyone’s feelings.
If you misspoke, explain what you actually meant and apologize sincerely for the mistake/misunderstanding and then suggest a way to avoid the problem in the future, you have not only done all you could and should do, but more than a lot of people are mature enough to do! It takes two to make an apology-one person to apologize and the other to accept the apology and forgive the error!
So, if you’re met people halfway and they are still being upset, it’s not you, it’s them at that point. Fortunately, if you give people some time, they usually calm down and realize they were over reacting. Your best IS good enough, even if it didn’t achieve the goal you intended because it’s your best- remember the parable of the widow’s mite? Where the old woman put her last two coins in the offering box and was praised because rich men could spare their lavish offerings but she’d given all she had?
It’s not your job to please everyone or make sure they never have hurt feelings. As long as you are not just going around being intentionally cruel to people, you deserve to cut yourself some slack. Sometimes stuff needs to be said and here is now way to sugar coat it a hard truth. Sometimes people are just in a sensitive, defensive mood and nothing you say will be “right”. I know it’s hard not to, but try not to take other people’s bad attitudes too personally. (smiling face)
Mistakes are actually a good thing- hey mean you’re trying new things. You literally can’t learn without making mistakes and trying to analyze what went wrong- it’s how the human brain is wired. What if instead of saying “oh no, a mistake, how terrible” we began saying, “Oh a mistake, how interesting, I wonder what happened?”
Please think back over some of your victories and successes- even just a time you made a stranger smile or were extra polite to a cashier. Realize you don’t know how many people’s lives you’ve touched. Take some time to do something where you don’t feel obligated to please anyone or do the activity “right” You can’t go for a walk “wrong” or go treasure hunting in a thrift store “incorrectly” for example. And remember, this too shall pass- in a couple of years you probably won’t remember much about these past couple of weeks in any detail- so how important is it anyway, right?
Big, big hugs! Hang in there ”