Hey! Happy Monday
So, I was writing material today for my new website and one topic I was speaking about was “ Who do you want to be”
We get caught up in what do we want to do and get stuck there because we don’t know…. So, I like to turn it around and ask “ who do you want to be?”
I got a little upset with someone yesterday because I felt very judged by them. Someone offered me their opinion on something that I didn’t ask for and truly didn’t seem helpful or seem to have a purpose to say it.
I sent back an e-mail on my perception of what I thought they were trying to tell me and how I felt about that. I have no idea if I was right or wrong but when things are left to interpretation people will come up with their own.
In reality, though, all they did was state how they felt about something.
Do people have a right to say how they feel? Yes, they do, especially when I make things public. I took it super personally and basically told them I didn’t appreciate the feedback.
Not who I want to be… I like to think of myself as being open to feedback and hearing and honoring people’s opinions. Although I still didn’t appreciate the way the feedback was given, I didn’t like who I was being in that moment.
I was irrational, bitchy and defensive. Think the person heard me with my attitude?
Right. They did the right thing and shut me down before things got heated.
When you feel stuck about what to do or how to handle a situation think about who you want to be. I wanted some clarification, but in the future, I would be less confrontational, take it less personally and be inquisitive instead of defensive.
That’s who I want to be…
5 ways to be rather than do.
1. Think about someone who handles situations in a way that you would like to. What do they do? How do they act? Ironically, I admire how the person I was irritated with handles situations. They don’t (usually) get caught up in the drama and can keep words short and simple. At one point, I had to laugh out loud at the message back to my rant because it made me see how silly I was being. It was a 3 worded message…. And , no, not what you are thinking.
2. Let the past be a lesson. Ok, so I handled that situation wrong, again. I did hold off on firing back an e-mail immediately. I wrote it and kept it for hours before sending it to give myself a chance to decide if I even wanted to reply. In the past, this would have been sent before I had time to read it for a second time. So, I still wasn’t perfect in this situation but I am slowly learning. Maybe next time I’ll handle it even better. Baby steps.
3. Think about what you don’t want to be like. Sometimes it’s easier to think about what you don’t like or want. Maybe if I had taken the time to ask myself if I really wanted to be bitchy, irrational and defensive I may have changed my tune. My answer could have easily been yes and there you have it, but in this situation, I didn’t. I like to handle myself with less emotion and more keeping my cool. Fail, on both parts.
4. Take time before deciding. I often think I have to reply RIGHT NOW. I have no idea how I got this idea or why but I am trying to learn to give things time. I held onto the e-mail for hours yesterday before sending and I did revise it a bit. Obviously, I need more work here, but again, I am learning.
5. Think about what outcome you want. In being the person I was yesterday did I really expect to have a good response from the other person? Maybe, if I had taken some time and thought about who I wanted to be I would have gotten a response that was productive to both of us. Nothing positive came from who I was, including how I felt about myself after the fact. Oh sure, for a half second when I got my two cents in I had a moment of triumph, but when I realized I was being silly, it quickly faded.