6 Tips to live happily when your significant other is an introvert

Hey you guys! Did you all have a nice weekend?

 

I have probably mentioned in the past ( and the fact that he hates Face Book) that Dan is an introvert.  He likes to be home and putter around the house.  When I first met him I loved this about him! I had just come off of a relationship where my boyfriend was out every night, all night! No thanks, a homebody sounded great….

Until it stopped being so great.

I am kind of a homebody as well. I will travel, but honestly, after 4 or 5 days I want to come home. I like the comforts of my own home and I start to crave it after a few days.

 

Me, my bathrobe and Molls(favorite thing)

But I do like to do fun things around our house for day trips. We live in a great area that so many things are happening all the time and they are fairly easy and quick to get to.

Me and Sue at Mohegan Sun to see Queen Last summer! 

I love going to new places or doing new things right here in New England.  A great day for me is to hop in the car and do something new and fun.

Dan, not so much…

 

 Dan’s perfect day

This can be frustrating for both of us. I don’t want to force him to do things he really has no interest in and yet, I don’t want to resent him for feeling like he is holding me back.

There are ways to coexist with your less than adventurous partner.

Here are my top 6 tips to live happily with an introvert.

1.       Know that it isn’t about you. It’s not that your S.O doesn’t want to spend time with you or doesn’t care about you, it’s just how they are. Hey, we are all different right? Dan will often even say no to friends requests to get together and he prefers to be home.  It isn’t personal and making it so will only cause hard feelings between both of you.  I stopped taking it personally years ago. Dan doesn’t feel like I am trying to change him and I don’t feel slighted by his lack of interest in my many interests.

2.       Pick and Choose. If you really, really want them to go to something with you then you have to pick your battles. If you can live without him going to an art festival with you, but you really want him to attend the family summer reunion, then you need to be flexible and decide what is really important to you. Don’t pull the “it’s really important to me” unless it truly is.  If I tell Dan the importance to me then he knows I mean it.

3.       Give them plenty of notice.   Introverts generally aren’t spontaneous. They need a lot of time to process and prepare for things. If you want your significant other to join you on an adventure/event give them as much notice as you can.  Remind them periodically, but don’t overwhelm them as it will sound like nagging.

4.       Don’t have too high of expectations. If your homebody agrees to accompany you to the concert you wanted them to join you on and they aren’t singing and dancing along with you, don’t feel disappointed.  It’s not ok for them to be moody or grouchy if they agree to join you, but you can’t expect them to magically be having the time of their life either. Dan hates antiquing, but every now and then I want him to go with me more for the question “will this fit?” I can’t expect Dan to be as excited as I am when I find something cool.

5.       Thank them . If your honey tags along with you when you asked then take the time to thank them sincerely. The truth is, they didn’t have to agree to go with you.  They knew it mattered to you and they went along to make you happy. A thank you goes a long way. It might even make them more inclined to say yes in the future. Who doesn’t like to feel appreciated?  It has to be genuine though or it will come off as sarcastic.  Going back to tip #1. It isn’t personal and they simply like to be home.  Appreciate and recognize the effort.

6.       Go it alone or with a friend.  There are  just some things I know Dan does not to want to go to with me and I probably wouldn’t want him there.  I was dying to see Hall and Oats but I knew Dan had zero interest. I made it a girl’s weekend away with a friend and we had a blast! He had fun listening to my stories when I got home and I had fun telling him!  IMHO (In my humble opinion) a relationship doesn’t mean you have to be glued to the hip and can’t do things with other people. I hate baseball with a passion. Dan went with his best friend to a Red Sox game recently and had a ball. See what I did there? Ha! They had a great time and I had fun listening to his excitement of going to the game with his lifelong best friend.

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