Getting your needs met without being needy

Hi Guys:

Lately I have been noticing that I have been getting really frustrated lately with people.  Being a Life Coach I recognize that the frustration stems from not getting a need met.

 I get really bitchy and short with people and I know I need to figure out what need isn’t being met.

 For me, this is really hard because that means I have to examine my feelings, which I avoid like the plague. Worse, I will then have to address the issue, potentially with the person I am not getting my need met by.

 UGH, I don’t like to feel vulnerable or even worse…..


 Everyone goes through getting not having their needs met at some point. There are more effective ways to handle it than I have been.

 Top 6 tips to get your needs met without being needy

1.       Acknowledge that you have an unmet need.  “ You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge” I know I sound like a broken record but I can’t say it enough. Unless you even know that there is a problem, you can’t fix it. Some signs of unmet needs are irritability, anger, short temper, sadness. Pay attention to your feelings because they are telling you something.

2.       Figure out what the unmet need is. You may need to do a bit of detective work here. I was feeling very irritable this weekend and when I stopped and thought about what my need was it came to me.  As soon as I realized what the need was I knew what I needed to do to get the need met.  Often times, answers come to me when I sort of zone out and let my mind go. I was simply staring at my computer but not really seeing it and the answer popped into my head. Have you ever notice sometimes answers come to us when we are waking up or falling asleep. It’s because your mind is still working but it isn’t so focused on things that answers can’t come through.

3.       Getting your need met. This one is tricky for me because there is nothing I hate more than coming across as needy.  I have learned that if I simply explain what my need is without having a hissy fit first it will come across as matter of fact and not whiny. Example: “ I know I was a little grouchy this weekend and I am sorry. I realized after thinking about it what I really needed was a hug from you.”  This sounds much better than me having a tantrum and then whining that I feel ignored, right?

4.       Know that it’s ok to have needs and to get them met. This one is hard for me too. I am uncomfortable that I need something from someone. I like to feel like I am an independent and strong person and I don’t have needs!  But everyone, does, it is human.  Don’t wait until you are ready to explode (Hello?!) to express what you need.

5.       Practice. Asking for your needs to be met may not come naturally for you at first. I am just starting to learn how to even  acknowledge them, never mind asking someone to meet them. It may take a few times (hundred for me) before you start to recognize what’s going on and stopping to ask yourself “ What is it that I need”.  Even though I know this I still haven’t done a great job of nipping it before it blows out of control emotionally.  But, I am pretty sure the universe will throw more situations my way that I will get plenty of practice.  Give yourself a break and just keep working at it!

6.       Know how unmet needs show up for you. For me, when a need goes unmet I feel angry or frustrated. For other, it may show up as anxiety, depression or over whelm. Pay attention to your signal so you can identify when a need isn’t being met.

This entry was posted in attitude, behavior, special needs, unmet needs and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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